Random Meaningless Filth

I don't like raisins. The only good raisin is purple and full of juices. If your going to put raisins in food, they better not be destined for my mouth. Thinking about that again, if you're going to put any fruit in dessert, it better be really really good. Like, if the desert is fruit specific, that's okay. But if you are throwing dried apricots into cookies just for the hell of it...don't. Just put chocolate chips in. There is nothing stopping you from doing that. What is wrong with a good old fashioned chocolate chip cookie? But if you are sauteing banana to caramelise it's natural sugars, the pouring a caramel sauce over it and adding a scoop of ice cream, do that. I would eat that, force you to forget you had already made it, then make you make it again.


I am a cynical bastard. But a Cynical Bastard would deny that they were Cynical at all, and say they saw the world as it actually was, and that everyone else is just ignorant, So me saying i am cynical means that I'm not a real cynic. Damn.

Please allow me to digress. No? Ohkay.

What would a dolphin mixed with a person look like? I mean, i know what a werewolf looks like, and i know what a minotuar looks like, but whats a dolphin/human look like? does it belong on land or water? And i refuse it to look like a mermaid. So stop.

I am really thirsty. Why do we exsist? If my exsistence is one filled with thirst, hunger, pain, and struggle, what is the point of exsisting? I am mostly jokeing here, for those of you who don't know.

Blogs are like haikus, No body really gets them, What should i put here?

if you had a choice to be a boy or a girl, which would you be? From my experience with people and this question, boys usually choose to be a boy, and girls usually choose to be a girl. Why would you be a girl? Mestration, Birth, Menopause. Blech.

Sometimes i forget who i am. Then i look around and rememeber i am no body, just like you.

Its Not That I'm Lazy, I Just Don't Care

Everytime i am sick, i watch this movie. I shouldn't. I know i shouldn't. I really shouldn't. Wanna know why? Cause i am the largest procrastinateing, empathetic Son of a Bitch in the world. I hold the title, i guarauntee it. Wanna try and top me? fine, here isa doozy for you. Over a weekend, i had 2 things due in a class. I thought they were going to be hard, so i put them off for and entire weekend. Monday rolls around and these two gargantuan assignments are still hanging over my head, what do i do? I Play Sick. I have all day now to do them. But still, these assignments look like giant heads on easter island. Impossibly large and they have to be made from stone from the hills, and not the surrounding coast. How d you move a 2 ton rock a couple miles? How do you carve them with no rock sharper than the stone you are cutting? How do you take notes on economics and do test corrections when there are 30 other glorious distractions to enjoy? All questions that may never be answered in our life times.

Know what wound up happening when i was fakeing sick? I became sick, and the rest of the week i felt like shit but wasn't able to miss anymore school. Figures.

But, back on point, i shouldn't watch these movies because i take them so seriously. I look at Peter Gibbons and say, "My Gog. He is Right. I don't like work, i don't think i am going to do it anymore." This inevitably throws me into a downward spiral in the grade sector of my life. But that leads me to an important point. Why do we bother? Fuck work, Fuck effort, Fuck strain, Fuck trying to recieve approval through some arrbitrary gradeing system. I am tired of being judged and compared, graded and given a number (141319 in case you were wondering).

When i was 4 i couldn't wait to learn My ABC's, I was ready to learn how to count, I wanted to know Everything. I devowered books like a swarm of locusts. But now, a simple reading assignment seems...well, simply boring. Thinking back to being a child, before i started a formal education, i remember i was estatic about going to school. I was excited about learning, about gaining knowledge. Now i have to ask myself, where did it go? Who is to blame for its dissapearance? Sure, it resurfaces when something truely fascinateing arises, but my general need for knowledge has been severly diminished. So, Who is to blame? Is it me? The smart kid who doesn't apply himself? Or is it the school system? Turning a bright eyed boy into something unrecognizeable. Or is it possibly just that i am growing up. Who knows. I know i don't. Maybe it is a combination. All i know is, adults wouldn't stand for the sort of oppression we face. Oh, but i keep forgetting, school is just conditioning for the real world. Sit in your cubicle, file TPS reports, meet quotas-wait a minute-You didn't meet your quota? Well, they won't fire you, but everyone will try and motivate you to try harder to meet those, once again, arbitrary quotas.

Well, i think i am blogged out and in the words of Tammara Marcus

Peace

In the words of Lars Lee

Namaste

In the words of Arthur Fonzerelli

EEEYYYYYYY

Nerf Dart Wishes and Pornographic Dreams

Ohkay, so the title may be a little intimidateing. You are thinking, "Oh No, Spencer is going to link one of his random words to a porn site." No matter how much many of you would like that, i won't. This is a story of my Birthday. Yes i am 18, and i will wrie about that later, but listen, and hear my words.


Today i turned 18. I was in a half awake stupor and still dreaming. My dream all night was random, nonsensical, as always, but the end was my 18th birthday. Thats all i rememeber of it. Moments later, my sister walks in and wishes me a happy birthday, followed closely by my mom, bearing the same wish. I mummble a thanks, manage a grunt, and promptly fall back into a place between dream and reality. After a shower, breakfast, and a quick drive i arrive at school. Walking across the parking lot Paige wishes me a happy birthday. I am sure its gunna be a good good day. Enter the school. Enter my first class and hear 5 people remember my birthday. Once again, a great day. Go to the Pep Assembly and I scream my head off. I hide during the most green and gold competition ( i am wearing a red shirt). I cheer loud, i encite excitement in those around me, forceing them to compete with me in volume. We win. First time in our 3 years we have won that competition. About time. I have never been more excited over a stupid glitter-covered pvc pipe (not an actual picture). Sure, seniors win it the first time every year, but tha does't diminish the value. The rest of the classes in the day, though 10 minutes shorter than normal, seem to last an eternity. Somewhere in the middle of it all there is choir. Now i expected this to happen, but feel it should be shared anyway.


The day before was Lar's birthday. Now, is was the first birthday of the year, and everyone likes Lars, Everyone Knows Lars. So, When Liz announced that it was his birthday, The room exploded with excitement, we screamed, we hollered, we clapped, and we sang. My Birthday, the next day Liz says, "Hey Everyone, i am passing around a list so you can write your birthday and your name." Since people hear the jist of her announcement, they start talking again. And as the dull roar of the room continues, Liz's Tiny Voice says, "And speaking of birthdays, It's Spencers Birthday today." Five, Maybe Six people clap. Ohkay, more like 15, but in a room of nearly 90, that is barely audible.


During choir, Lars tells me about the adult super store he and Robert went to over 3rd period. Just ridiculous, RIDICULOUS things he saw. How odd, skeezy, and over all gross, it was. I had to go. So, We decided, Lars and i were going to the adult superstore after school. We bolt out of happiness, race the his car, and head to the sleezy shop. I was expecting a dimly lit single room shop. The man behind hte counter, frail, with hollow eyes, thin hair, black lip stick takeing seemingly high amounts of cash (cause who uses credit at a place like that?) for such lucrative (and innapropriae) items. But no. I walk in, And a man behind a counter I.D's myself and lars, and it is as if it is just another shop. The racks are full and organised, with prices clearly displayed. Granted, the items sold are much more...lets say...fleshy... than in other sores, but other than that, it look normal. They have sale pries, rooms for specific...interests. I will tell you the truth, i was surprised at how respectable the place actually was. Granted, my expectations weren't exactly high, but they should still be proud to out do them.

However, there was a section of this store that i wasn't even aware exsisted. A viewing area. Thats right kids, a viewing area. Too ashamed to buy your porn? Too ashamed to even rent it and take it home? Well thats alright, cause we have veiwing rooms, specially made to give you privacy and comfort, for your viewing pleasure. So, these viewing areas are of varying quality. At te bottom of the quality list, one they call 'The Sleazy Squeezy', is a room with a 13 inch screen thats about the size of harry potters closet room in the first book. The best room, which they like to call 'The Supreme Spank' room, has a high definition television, surround sound, and an audience that cheers and calls your name as you splooge.

Wanna know what i got for my birthday? A NEW NERF GUN! and a boy girl sleep over. It hasn't been done in my house ever, and hasn't happened at all for others since they were in grades that could be numbered on a single hand. It went rather well, actually. Sure, at first parents were concerned it would just be one big orgy, or that there would be copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. tot he dissappointment of one of my friends, this wasn't the case. It was a wholesome time, of watching movies, and staying up late to unusual hours, laughing about my farting in my sleep. Yeah, that actually happened.

Well, all i have to say now is, Don't you hope your 18th birthday is as awesome as mine?

And i hope to post more regularly now. It is getting to the season where all i want is to tell people how i feel, but for some reason, they don't like it when i yell at them.

Niceties and the Human Way

Why are people so nice? It isn't logical. If someone is wrong, tell them. If they are stubborn, be mean, get the point across that they are wrong. If they aren't useing logic, point it out. Force them to see that they are wrong, and if they deny that Tell them they are wrong and they are just spouting more meaningless blither-blather that follows a skewed logic.

Honestly, the real problem with people being nice is people are expected to behave nicely. it isn't just good enough not to kick the homeless man, you have to give him money. You can't just not loot the electronics store after a natural disaster, you have to help rebuild it.

Fuck it, i am tired, goodnight internet.

The Lies Children Are Meant To Believe Are True

Fuck Parents.

I have a beef with parents. And once i am done with this beef, I'll have a bone to pick. First, the one that is bothering me right now. And is the reason i won't get to my fathers house until much later than anticipated.

It is currently 2:12 AM. I am at my mothers house. Guess where my mother isn't. You got it. Her house. Guess where i assume she is. Barry's house. His real name is Brian, or Bryan or however the fuck you spell it, but Liz thought his name was Barry, So Barry it is. Well, Barry is my mom's boy toy. And if that isn't reason enough to dislike the fellow, he is entirely devoid of a personality. Being a Random and Crazy Bastard, I like to think personality is Pretty important. I figure it is the only thing i have going for me consistently, so it has to be pretty important, otherwise i wouldn't be here. I have just decided to demote his name to noun status. He is no longer a Proper noun, worthy of a capital letter, he is a noun, like the word clock, or sheep, or steaming pile of shit. Anyways, I'm here, Shes not, and barry is likely with her. Worst case scenario, they are having sex. The shudder That just ran down my spine was so powerful all the dogs in the neighborhood started barking. How long have they been dating? I am going to lay out a time frame. My mom moved into this new house at the beginning of the last month of school. So, 4 months later, she can stay the night at his house. 4 months. 121.7474 days. A third of a year. A Season and a Third. Less than half a pregnancy. About the same amount of time it took for the drama between my mom and dad to play out. I am Sorry, But FUCK that FUCK barry and FUCK the myth that adults are responsible. They preach Abstinence when they can't keep it in their pants long enough for him to complain about Blue Balls. They drink, they smoke, they buy things based on loans they can't pay off, and are almost always hypocritical. It is mostly the sex and hypocritical thing. You don't think my one stupid parent gives me the right to condemn the entire Adult race? Well, How about 2 parents?

My father has a girlfriend as well. She thinks she is much closer to us that she actually is. The first weekend my dad and this lady met (I don't know her fucking name) they basically sexed 2 nights straight. The same tremor just ran down my back. I might call a chiropractor. I might have thrown out my back. Well, she was at my dads house when i got there and as she was leaving she said to me, "Well, See you later Spence." I can Understand if you don't see the big deal, but my Name isn't Spence, it is Spencer. As the words left the second largest hollow in her head (the first being where her brain should be), i cringed, and made a face i normally reserve for finding diarrhea smeared on walls and for particularly ugly babies. But before i could correct her Stupid mistake, she was gone. I haven't made it very clear how abnormal it is that she called me Spence. There are only 4 people i will allow call me Spence. My Sister, My mother, My Father, And Cati. Anyone else who calls me Spence it abruptly corrected with, "My name is Spencer, The 'ER' is one extra syllable, please say it." When she was gone, Cati and i looked at each other, And she said, "She just called you Spence" Chuckling at her mistake. Still in shock, mouth open with disbelief, Riley walks in and says, "Did she just call you Spence?"

It is 3:11 AM. Exatly 1 hour from when i started this. No sign of my mom, no father calling wondering where i am. Am i living alone yet? Sure as hell seems like it. And it seems all my fears are true. I am alone, I feel alone, and i have no control over anything that is happens around me. Well, I guess this is Growing up.

~~EDIT~~

Apparently a parent of one of my readers has sent a link to this post to my mother.

First off, To the parent: Read this as a story. If you don't like what is happening in the story, can you reach in and affect the story? No. SO, If you, oh so helpful Parent, could just STAY OUT OF THE STORY it would be greatly appreciated. Know what? Just don't read...Oh, and I know who you are...Yes, Really.

Secondly, To my readers: I was mistaken and I have, so forcefully, found the time to fix this error. She wasn't just out. She was in Des Moines, for her leadership thing. I was mistaken, and I admit it. However, I will say, all my previous posts are my interpretation of events in my life.

Funny People Is LIke...

The Movie "Funny People" is bizarre. I am honestly not sure how i feel about it. I will tell you why i feel this way, and i feel that me not knowing what i feel is more helpful than me saying i loved it or hated it. Make sense? No? Oh well.

Remember Click? Remember Adam Sandler Slowly losing grasp of his life as it jumped from point to point, showing what his life would be like if he kept on the path he was on? Remember how serious it was? How it was serious with random jokes placed here and there? It is basically that, but with more people saying Fuck, More Stand up, and a meaner Adam Sandler. It is as if the Adam Sandler in this movie saw how big of an asshole he was all the time, and saw the repercussions, like in click, but didn't give a shit. The emotional arch of Adam Sandler in this movie was disappointing. He was depressed, to mean and depressed, to happy but still being mean, to depressed, to nice but still an air of arrogance. A note to any Director Who Ever Directs Adam Sandler Ever: LET HIM BE RIDICULOUS, LET HIM BE WEIRD. TAKE INSPIRATION FROM HAPPY GILMORE, BILLY MADISON, AND BIG DADDY. STOP MAKING HIM SAD FOR SUCH LONG PERIODS OF TIME. Reign Over Me is the only movie i will ever accept Sandler in a serious role. That is all.

Why was Seth Rogan Everyones bitch in this movie? Sandlers Bitch, The Love interests Bitch, His Friends Bitch, Sandlers Love Interests Bitch. I understand his character is meant to have low self esteem, That he is meant to be the struggling comedian who is chosen at random to hang out with the big movie star, but seriously, let him stand up for himself, or at the very least let him yell back. He does come back with good counter points, but he never raises his tone past the moderate stressed tone he always uses.

From this point on there might be some SPOILERS!!!

From this point on it stops being a review and becomes a personal thing. As some of you know (as in 1 of the 3 people who will actually read this) my parents are recently divorced. And in the movie, Sandler finds out, Oh No, he has Cancer (Which is when i thought, "I didn't see 'My Sisters Keeper' for a reason damn it") an guess what? He gets better. Shocker. Well He realises he wants Less loneliness and more happiness in his life, so he chases an old spark who he cheated on. And this old spark happens to be his ex-fiance. Oh, she is married, and has 2 kids. Oh, and she seems unhappy. So, naturally, he goes to her house, eats her out, and tries to split them up. The entire time he was on this endeavor, i was rooting for him. "Yeah, Adam Sandler," I thought, "Break that couple up." It wasn't so much the breaking up of the couple i wanted but his happiness. I figured he would stop being such a dick if he finally got the girl. At some point, i think it was when the Couples kid was talking to Seth Rogan and said something like, "Are my mommy and Daddy going to get a divorce?" Rogan Replies, "What makes you say that?" Girl Replies, "I Don't Know, You can just tell." Seth Rogan Cooley responds, "Maybe it would be better if they did." And Daughter (character Name Ingrid) just shakes her head. That's the point that i started questioning what i wanted to happen. I suddenly had a deeper understanding of everything that was happening in this movie, they were no longer characters to me. They were people. People who were going through a divorce. People who have kids and are going to divorce. A person who is causing a relationship to divorce with kids involved. I suddenly had very mixed feelings about Sandlers endeavors. On one hand, i want Sandler to be happy. He is depressed and has nothing in his life, doesn't he deserve something? ON the other hand you have this Child. Doesn't she deserve a stable household? Does she really deserve to have her entire life turned upside down just so Adam Sandler can get the girl? On the Third hand (you didn't know i was a Hindu god?) You have the mother. Does she have t he right to up turn her daughters life? Does she deserve her happiness if it comes at the price of her daughters happiness? Know what? I'm not going to tell you what hand i choose at the most important one...as the 'right' hand if you will (Oh Spencer, You're so Punny).

Down below is something awesome and incredibly irrelevant. Enjoy.

Now You're Really Going to Hate Me For This...

Micheal Jackson. Good ridance. Yeah, i said it. Go on, be gone, i'm done with him. I guess what i have to say is, Why is this being so drawn out? He died, move on. And honestly, he deserved to die.

Oh man, i can feel the hate right now. Just writting those words, i can hear a hundred thousand fans scream, "Find Him and Burn him." But really, didn't he? He was a child molestor. I have seen people bawling over the man, saying he is a legend, a pop icon, all neglecting the fact he liked fingering little boys butt holes. Oh, you say he settled out of court? Does that mean he is innocent? Far from it in my opinion. It actually looks more incriminateing to me. He knew he would lose so he shoved money at the problem. And in the wake of his death i have seen people asking why child molestors are let out of prison, and now they are mourning hte passing of Micheal Jackson. Hmmmm, something smells hypocritical.

I hear, over and over again, how he bridged the white and the black (i am assumeing they mean socially, as opposed to his personal bridge fro black to white) with his music. How he was a sensation and a great performer. But no matter how great a person you are, bein a child molestor is nearly inexcuseable. And, Personally, It would take a hell of alot more than being a good performer to forgive such heinous acts.

But, in all honesty, i don't think people are mourning the man who died today. They are mourning the man who died in the early 90's. And this is how it should be. Back when Micheal was better known for being in Rolling Stone than the Tabloids. Please, when you are sad for Micheal Jacksons death, don't mourn the man in the coffin. Look past the White, Female, Alien-esque exterior, and see the Black, Soulful, Human within. Don't say, It is a shame Micheal Jackson Died. Say, rather, It is a shame Micheal Jackson did that too himself. Because the real Micheal died a long time ago.

I am sorry for this post, i am, honestly. Please Don't Hate Me.